Bunny, Bunny
by Timothy Took
Summary: Kirk, Spock, Chekov, and the the two troublesome Ensigns on the away team all get turned into bunnies. Hilarity ensues... Cracky awesomeness, and bunnies.  "DAMMIT JIM, I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A BUNNY-SITTER!"
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So… slightly based on Mirror, Mirror, one of the awesommest episodes of TOS of all time, not counting Trouble with tribbles, Amok Time, or Patterns of Force. Hope you like it…**

**To avoid confusion with characters, I recommend you read the work of **_**Titania Took**_** before this…**

**Disclaimer: Star Trek isn't mine, much as I'd like it to be, and all copyright and that stuff goes to the due owners. There, Spock. Done it. Happy now?**

**"That would be a human emotion."**

**Also, Ensign Demmar-Waters's song comes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, episode 'Once More, With Feeling', which I also don't own, but I recommend you check out.**

**Anyways, on with the story…**

The Klingons were closing in on them fast now, the hatred evident in their eyes and the way they held their phasers. The entire landing party were wearing worried expressions, Mr Spock not included, and Jim had his communicator out, yelling down it at an equally worried Scotsman, who was, or at least until Kirk got back, in charge of the Enterprise.

"Get us outta here Scotty!" the captain was yelling, as the Klingons got even closer. "Now would be nice. If you don't beam us up right now, I'll-" but he was cut off mid-sentence by the familiar tingling sensation that you got when you were being transported.

…

_Oh, ****_. This was the first thought that came into the red-shirted ensign's head as he stood in the transporter room, looking at what he had managed to beam up. For instead of his captain and four other crewmembers, were five little rabbits. Three of them were blue, and the other two were yellow. One of the blue ones seemed to be more intelligent that the rest, and it had pointed ears, and slanted eyebrows, one of which it raised quizzically. The ensign could have sworn it muttered "fascinating". However, the slightly larger yellow one looked as though it were in charge of the rest of the bunnies, and it was with slight hesitation that the ensign said "Captain Kirk? Mr. Spock?" The pointy eared blue rabbit and the bossy looking yellow one both pricked their ears and looked up, expectantly. He continued, saying the names of those who had comprised the landing party. "Mr. Chekov? Ensigns Richards?" The other rabbits looked up upon hearing their names, and the two blue ones did a rabbit's best impression of an innocent smile. Definitely must be them…

In shock, he stumbled over to the control panel, and thumped the intercom button. "Mr. Scott, I think you had better come down and see this…"

…

_Oh, ****_. Was the Captain's first thought as they materialized on the transporter pad. He was looking at the random-unnamed-redshirt-who-had-beamed-them-up's face. With an expression like that, something must be wrong. He heard his name being called and he pricked his ears. Wait a minute. _He pricked his ears_? Hell, what was he - a rabbit? He looked around him. _Oh, ****._ Was the captain's second thought, as he saw that yes, he was a rabbit, and so were the rest of the landing party. _Oh, ****._ Was Jim's third thought as Scotty moved to pick him up.

…

_Fascinating_. Was Spock's first thought as they appeared. _All of the landing party, myself included, appear to have transformed into a native Earth species known as 'rabbits'_. He heard his name being called and he pricked his pointed ears.

…

The chief engineer had received a slightly cryptic message from the transporter room, and he had run through the corridors to find out what the Ensign had meant. He was now standing in the doorway, staring at shock at the five rabbits he saw on the transporter pad before him. He moved in to pick one up, and decided on the largest yellow one. Carrying the bunny in his arms, he told the Ensign to grab the rest and take them to sickbay. Copying him, the Ensign picked up the two smaller blue ones and herded the other two rabbits along, and into the turbo-lift.

The two men emerged into sickbay twenty minutes later, after the two smaller blue rabbits that the red-shirt had picked up had wriggled and had tantrums and run off and been found again, looking slightly (well, very) bedraggled and in need of a good drink. Dr McCoy saw them and immediately gave the humans some of his secret hidden stock of Saurian brandy which no one apart from him knew about (he hoped), before taking the rabbits off them and giving them to Nurse Chapel. He then took the now-feeling-slightly-better-men to Rec Room 5 where they had some more drink. This left Chapel in charge, and the first thing she did was leave, leaving Ensign Demmar-Waters (or Arwen) in charge, as Nurse Elinor was off-duty.

"Look after the bunnies!" she called, as she walked out of the room

"Bunnies?" Arwen shrieked, but it was too late. The older nurse was gone. "But I hate bunnies. They scare me!" It just so happened that she was feeling in a very creative mood, and so she ended up bursting into song:

"_Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes!_

_They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses!_

_And what's with all the carrots?_

_What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? _

_Bunnies, bunnies, it must be bunnies!_"

This got lots of laughter and several rounds of applause from the bridge, since when she was singing, she was also doing a crazy dance around the room, and had accidentally knocked on the intercom switch. The entire bridge crew had seen the dance and song, including the bunnies, most of whom were meant to be on the bridge anyway.

"So, Arwen. Nice dance you got there. Maybe you could teach me?" came Sulu's voice through the intercom. "Anyway, how's Chekov?"

"Um…Well, he's fine. They're all fine. If you call being de-materialised as a human and then re-materialised as a bunny fine."

"Hold on. I'll be right there."

**A/N: Next part may or may not be up soon, depending on homework levels and plot bunny/tribble levels, and review levels (Arwen, Kat, Molly, I'm looking directly at you…)**

**For the rest of you lovely people, there will be cookies if you press the button…**

**You know you want to…**

**It's nice to know that there are actually people out there who like my stuff. Actually, on second thoughts, you don't even have to like it - just review!**

**Of course, you don't **_**have**_** to, but it would be nice if you did. **_**Hint, hint…**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: As you may or may not have noticed but you probably will soon notice, this chapter is a lot shorter that the previous chapters, and this is because I have run out of plot bunnies - in a story all about bunnies. Crazy, huh?**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter…**

Having received the message from Ensign Demmar-Waters, Sulu leapt from his chair, knocking it over in the process, and ran down the corridors yelling "Move, move, move, outta my way, move, move, move!", paying very good tribute to the Russian's running down the corridors to save his, and the captain's lives. The bridge crew just stared, shocked, as their pilot left without a second thought to his duties, or anything.

The doors to the Sick Bay burst open, (if slidey doors can do such a thing) and admitted a very worried looking Sulu. Arwen had, by this point, become absolutely terrified of the two smaller blue rabbits who were snuffling around, trying to find Bones' secret supply of Saurian brandy which no one but him (and everyone that knew about it) knew about, and was standing on the said doctor's desk, flailing around in a manner similar to that which many people display upon seeing a rat. She looked slightly relieved when the pilot barged in, and said "Ah, I see you have come to relieve me of my er… _duties_." And with that, she was gone, bounding off the desk and looking quite like a rabbit herself, (although she would kill you if she heard you saying it, or even thinking it for that matter) before the Lieutenant could get a word in edgeways.

Sulu thought that if he was going to be stuck there until someone came back, he might as well make the most of it. But first things first - he needed to find Chekov. This would have been easier said than done, had the little Russian rabbit not noticed that Sulu was there and started jumping up and down, right by his leg.

"Ooh… Who's a little cutie then…" The rabbit pouted adorably, and Sulu's suspicions that it was Chekov were confirmed: the bright smile, the adorable pout, the jumping up and down, the crazed excitedness - the list went on and on… Although the reason why Chekov was a yellow rabbit was still eluding him, as was the explanation as to how they came about being rabbits in the first place. Ah well. He was an adorable little bunny. The pilot picked the former nawigator up and started stroking him and scratching behind his ears. They stayed like that for quite a while; Sulu had lost track of time, and he didn't notice the small blue rabbits come closer with mischievous grins…

There was a pungent smell coming from around the area of his feet, mixed with a kind of warm and damp feeling that quite probably shouldn't be there. Sulu looked down, and nearly dropped the Chekov bunny in shock. His boots, and so the feet inside them, were swimming in rabbit poo, widdle, sick, and piles of several other unmentionables coming from a rabbit, and two small blue rabbits doing their best innocent expressions.

"So… I'm guessing you two are Ensigns Richards and Richards?" The rabbits nodded before considering for a moment that it _might_ not be a good idea to tell the guy who you have just peed on your name, _especially_ if that guy had a lot of friends who would be more than willing to get you back, and _especially_ if your name was Ensign Richards (the Elder, or the Younger - it didn't matter which one you had, you were in for trouble regardless…). But it was too late. They had already nodded to that question. They shook their heads anyway in the universal (almost) gesture meaning 'no', just to be on the safe side.

Sulu groaned and commed Bones saying that there was an emergency in Sick Bay. He then groaned again, realising that being the one responsible for further irritating the almost definitely already irritated Dr McCoy with a sickbay full of rabbit poop was probably not such a good idea.

Oh ****.

**A/N: Hereon forthwith commences my desperate quest to embark upon a vessel that wilt voyage unto the landeth of plot bunnies (or, in English - Yayness for Shakespearian word vomit, and please give me ideas because if you want to see another chapter of this, or how (if?) they get to be human/Vulcan again I need more plot bunnies/tribbles, and yes, I know this is a story all about bunnies. PM me , or EVEN BETTER (hint hint) leave them in a review).**


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Russian: **_Я НАСТОЛЬКО огорченн для ожидания! И это isn' t даже большая глава, котор нужно компенсировать его. Но я попробую сделать следующее ожидание более коротким. И я извиняюсь заранее для если я терплю неудачу.

_Japanese: _私は待ち時間のためにとても残念!である! そしてこのisn' tそれを補うすばらしい章。 しかし私は次の待ち時間をより短くさせることを試みる。 そして私は失敗すればを前もって謝る。

_**English:**_** I am SO sorry for the wait! And this isn't even a great chapter to make up for it. But I will try to make the next wait shorter. And I apologise in advance for if I fail in posting the next chapter ewen waguely soon.**

**Please enjoy…**

Lieutenant Sulu was still ankle-deep in rabbit, er… _stuff,_ and a little worried about the impending arrival of the grumpy doctor, who would probably him a long rant on how irresponsible he was (if he was lucky. If he wasn't, then he would probably get loads of painful hypos for absolutely no reason whatsoever), _as if this mess was his fault! _He decided to scribble a note on the nearest PADD and make a quick getaway.

The helmsman hurriedly grabbed a stylus and a PADD and scribbled his note. He left the PADD on the desk, hoping that Bones would get it, before running full pelt out the door and skidding round the corner as the doors slid shut behind him. He felt a pang of guilt at leaving Chekov, but this was overridden by the thought of facing the doctor's wrath…

…

The aforementioned doctor rounded the corner and dashed down the corridor, pausing only for a second to catch his breath (he was a _doctor _after all, and he knew the benefits of keeping to aerobic respiration, and besides, he was getting too old for all this running…). As he finally reached the doors to Sick Bay, they slid smoothly open to reveal a sea of _mess_ (for lack of a better word).

_Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a cleaner!_ Bones thought as he walked through the room, careful to avoid stepping in too much of the _stuff _(hard though that was) . He picked his way over to the desk, where there lay a PADD that he hadn't left like that. Curious, he picked it up and began to read:

_Hi, er… everyone has kinda turned into rabbits; the mess is the small blue ones' fault - not mine!(Ensigns Richards and Richards, PLEASE GIVE THEM SEVERAL PAINFUL HYPOS WHEN THEY ARE HUMAN AGAIN!) The little yellow one is Chekov, don't be mean to him; the other two are Kirk and Spock, I'll leave you to guess which is which. I have no idea where Chapel is, but it seems that she left Ensign Demmar-Waters in charge, who ran off when she saw me, and I think she's terrified of bunnies._

_Sulu_

_Again with the Dammit Jim! _McCoy threw the PADD back onto the deskwhich he had picked it up from with a little more force than was necessary, and turned around to fix all five rabbits with a foul glare. They all shied away from his dark glower, with the exception of the large yellow one (_presumably Jim - always getting himself into trouble_), the large blue one with pointy ears (_the hobgoblin - never could take a hint_), and the two small blue ones (_those dammed Ensigns!_), so that only left the small yellow one who actually shied away, but oh well.

He looked around his (once!) beautiful Sick Bay, and saw again the mess that those rabbits had made. He also saw that he was alone. He was now getting _really_ annoyed.

"DAMMIT JIM, I'M A DOCTOR - NOT A BUNNY-SITTER!" At this, all five rabbits, and it actually was all five this time, looked around, surprised at the sudden outburst. The Jim-bunny bounded up to him with a large grin plastered from whisker to whisker, while the others resumed what they were doing before. He looked over to see what the other rabbits actually were doing: the Chekov-bunny was sitting on the desk (HIS BEAUTIFUL DESK!) trying to write down equations with a stylus between his teeth, and the Spock-bunny was fully occupied running away from the Fangirl-bunnies, or in other words, Ensigns Richards and Richards.

It was time to get things straight around this ship, but first things first. Bones made his way over to his cupboard and pulled out yet more of his Secret Stash Of Saurian Brandy (which hopefully nobody but him and the people who knew about it knew about). He glugged it down, which probably wasn't good for his sanity or health, but hey - neither was being CMO of a Starship with a captain who got himself hurt even more times than he ripped his shirt (and that was a lot!), and besides, it made dealing with five bunnies all at once a whole lot easier.

_**A/N:**_** Next chapter, I will try to put in some plot! A GREAT big THANKYOU to anyone who is reading this story, has put it on alert, or REVIEWED! Reviews are wery much appreciated, and they may help get the next chapter out faster.**

**Tigwidge: Arwen, you reviewed both chapters! Which is more than I can say for Kat… So thank you *gives virtual cookie***

**talk-ape: Glad you like the Chekov bunny! And I hope you're still reading - I haven't heard anything for chapter 2 (hint, hint). Thanks for the review!**

**swren1: Thanks for the review. I might use that thing with the carrot supply in a later chapter!**

**And so, **Dif-tor heh smusma (live long and prosper in Wulcan)


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N:**_** Sorry about the wait, I had a lot of stuff to do, and a serious case of writer's block etc…**

**But I have some good news! I somehow managed to persuade myself that giving up reading fan fiction for Lent was a good idea, so I now should have more time to write (instead of reading when I really should be updating my stories…)!**

**Anyways… Enjoy the chapter!**

**Spock: *whisper whisper***

**Me: Oh yes, thanks! Nearly forgot to do the disclaimer. I own nothing to do with Star Trek, however much I would like to, and if I did, it would be completely about the adventures of Spock.**

…

After he had finished glugging down the alcohol, the doctor looked around the room. There was nobody there. He had nodded to himself and put the now empty bottle down on his desk before he realised anything was wrong. Looking down, he saw that both his legs were tied together, and the ends of the ropes led to the grinning mouths of the Fangirl-bunnies, Ensigns Richards and Richards. They simultaneously gave a huge tug on the ropes, which sent McCoy tumbling to the ground.

_Oh ****_, was his last coherent thought before his head hit a hard surface and all became black.

All five rabbits wasted no time in bounding out the door and down the corridor, revelling in their new-found freedom. They had formulated a plan before leaving, and they now made their way to the various stations they needed to be at to carry it out: Ensigns Richards and Richards would take out the security officer guarding the storage compartment , using their various dastardly means, while the other three bunnies would attempt to type in the code and get inside…

…

The redshirt standing on guard around the storage compartments had had a very long day - it was surprising how tiring standing around could be. So, he was not at all surprised when he saw two small, blue rabbits trotting round the corner, with smug grins on their little faces. He put this down to him being so tired that he was beginning to hallucinate; after all, everyone knows that you don't get blue rabbits… right? But anyway, the hallucinations were persisting, and they were now butting him on the leg.

_Huh?_ _B-bu-but… h-hallucinations… they can't touch you. So why can these?_ thought the confused security officer. Suddenly he felt a sudden urge to look up, and soon regretted it, as what he saw was not something he had ever wished to see again. There, stuck to the ceiling was a smeared trail of ice-cream. And making its way slowly towards the ice-cream was…

A tribble.

The next thing he knew, tribbles were raining down on top of him, and before long he was neck deep in a pile of tribbles. It had been funny when it had happened to the captain (although the redshirt never would have admitted that to Kirk himself), but this was just ridiculous.

_Well, it could be worse_, he thought to himself. _I could be _completely_ buried in the little fur balls._ It is never a good idea to tempt fate (or at least, to tempt the Richards bunnies), as this redshirt found out the hard way. A few seconds later, two-point-one-four-six-nine-three seconds, to be exact (thank you, Spock), an avalanche of tribbles occurred, and he soon _was _completely covered in them. He mentally facepalmed himself, before passing out due to sheer exhaustion and stress.

With the security officer safely decommissioned, Ensigns Richards and Richards made their way over to the other three rabbits, who were attempting to type in the captain's override code. Yes, they could type in the numbers - that wasn't a problem; the actual problem was that Jim-bunny couldn't remember his code, and given that _he_ was the Captain, nobody else knew it. So it was that they were too busy trying and failing to break into the storage compartments that they didn't notice the two small blue bunnies creep up behind them with evil smirks on their faces…

…

Chekov-bunny groaned in frustration (as well as a rabbit can) as he attempted to remove the paint from his fur. He didn't know how he had not noticed those two Ensigns creeping around with those evil smirks and pots of paint, what with his now improved hearing (from his long rabbit-ears), and general perceptiveness. But he hadn't, and they had paid the price when a large bucket of paint - of varying colours - was tipped all over him, Mr. Spock-bunny and the Captain-bunny.

A satisfied noise interrupted his paint-covered ruminations as the two ensigns in question managed to open the door to the storage compartment. (Aside from being murderously irksome, Ensigns Richards and Richards were actually quite useful - the elder could crack almost any code, and break in to almost any place, especially if doing so would benefit them, while the younger was a master of distraction, deception, disguise, destruction, anything beginning with a 'd', and the dreaded puppy-dog eyes, making them the perfect pair, so it was no wonder that it had only taken them a matter of minutes to hack into the ship's computer system and open the door.) Chekov followed the other four rabbits into the storage compartment, and gasped. For before his eyes was the largest pile of carrots he had ever seen.

And they were going to eat them all.

…

Black fuzziness was all he could see. His head was pounding and felt like it was about to explode. Sitting slowly up, the blackness began to clear away, and his vision steadily improved, but the pounding still continued like a herd of elephants on a stampede. Once his sight was finally clear and the pain in his head was vaguely bearable, he took a deep breath.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT IT TAKES, BUT THOSE RABBITS ARE GETTING BACK TO NORMAL, NOW. And when they do, I will have plenty of hyposprays on hand to stab them with!" shouted an enraged Doctor McCoy before falling back down to the ground unconscious.

…

_**A/N:**_** Mwah ha ha ha… **

**As usual, reviews are very much appreciated, and if you give me one, I shall give unto thee a pocket-sized random-crew-member-of-the-Enterprise doll (because cookies are overblown. And they also cost extortionate prices in the school tuck shop). If you're lucky, you might get one of me…**


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N:**_** Happy Spirk Day! Yay Amok Time! I don't own Star Trek! I like cheese!**

…

"Mr Scott!" the redshirt cried as he ran up to said engineer, waving a data PADD. "I have an idea! Maybe we should try to work out what went wrong with the transporter so we can fix it!"

The Scotsman sighed. It had been a long couple of days, he would admit that, but what did the blasted redshirt think the engineering crew had been doing all this time? Having a cocktail party? It seemed he had accidentally voiced his thoughts out loud, and so was surprised when the redshirt adopted a put-out and offended expression. Said redshirt (who we shall name Bob as a prize for actually managing to survive past the end of the first paragraph that he appeared in) walked off dejectedly.

…

The walls were orange. The ceiling was orange. The floor was orange. The carrots were orange. Said carrots had been eaten and chewed and mangled to death by the five rabbits sitting in the centre of the storage compartment and consequently smeared across the walls, ceiling and floor. Hence the distinctly orange colour of the compartment. Indeed, the only non-orange things were all of the rabbits, who, despite the incredibly messy eating habits of two of them (cough, Ensigns Richards and Richards, cough), were still firmly blue. Or yellow. Whichever they had started out as.

But I digress. The five rabbits were sitting happily in the storage compartment with their bellies full and carrot smeared everywhere but on themselves. But they were bored (well, four of them were bored. _Boredom is a human emotion, therefore such a thing does not affect me_, Spock-Bunny told himself. Repeatedly.), and being rabbits meant that they could do so much more interesting things without being caught. They decided to go bother the engineers who were probably working on rerouting the transporter to get them back to normal: if they annoyed them enough, the repair project would take longer, allowing the five more time as rabbits to annoy people.

…

Scotty looked up from the console he was taking apart as cries of alarm and annoyance arose from the other engineers. It appeared that the rabbits had set up an intricate prank involving ice-cream, scissors and forty exploding redshirt rubber ducks. And then deployed it. Needless to say, the transporter room was a bit of a mess, and, true to their mischievous natures, the bunnies (notably Ensigns Richards and Richards) were behind it all. But before the troublesome bunch could be captured and held still until the transporter was put back to rights, they scampered away, no doubt to devise more devious deviations from the path of decency.

Scotty merely sighed as he turned his head back to work. Much worse had happened before in his engineering department… Oh yes, the siblings of doom (Kat and Immy) had done much worse to his poor department.

_He awoke with a horrible feeling that something was wrong. Instinctively knowing that the Ensigns of Doom were probably behind it, he didn't bother trying to work out who could possibly do anything wrong. Nah, it was probably fine. Actually, on second thoughts, he probably ought to go check if it was anything _too_ terrible. _

_Slipping on his red shirt and boots, the chief engineer walked down the corridor to the turbo-lift. He saw several signs saying '_Beach Party This Way!_', and continued onward with great fear and trepidation. For all the signs appeared to be leading to the engine rooms…_

_Mr Scott finally emerged through the doors to the engine room to find the entire bridge crew, Dr McCoy, several redshirts and a couple of random ensigns crammed into the space. The floor was covered with sand, there were palm trees everywhere, there was even water sloshing around like the sea. And above them all was a sign saying '_Beach Party Here! Free Cocktails!_'._

He shuddered at the memory. After that, he had stormed up to the captain and demanded to know what the **** was going on, why the **** was it in his beloved engine room, and why the **** wasn't he invited. The slightly tipsy captain had waved him over to Kat and Immy (before going back to holding hands with Mr Spock) who had looked a bit sheepish and said that they would invite him next time. Then he had exploded. Hopefully, there would never be a next time. No, scratch that. There WOULD never be a next time…

With that thought in mind, he recommenced his attack on reconfiguring the control panel with a renewed vigour - if they got the work done, they could then go and catch the rabbits and maybe this whole fiasco could finally be over!

…

_**A/N:**_** I like words beginning with a 'd'. I also like reviews.**


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